Things that are no longer cool, according to me:
Bluetooths: Is the plural 'Blueteeth?' Walking around with a mini-phone in your ear seemingly talking to yourself is not cool. In fact, it is lame and makes you look like a raving lunatic. Second to that is hands-free talking on your cell, I just don't want to know about the intimate details of your recent visit to the kidney specialist.
Automatic car-starters: Starting your car when you are not in your car is lame unless it is 20 below or worse. It was cool in 1991, when I first witnessed that being done, but now it is weak sauce. Why do this? Is burning off extra fuel before you even enter your vehicle some sociological rite of passage?
Bitching about the weather (especially on Facebook): Unless you live in San Diego, where it's 25 Celsius out every single day of the year, you may not bitch about the weather. It is what it is, you can't change it, and the weather sucks wherever you are.
Fahrenheit: Get with the times, for the love of Jesus. I think maybe only the States and Belize use this antiquated form of measurement. It's like weighing things in quintals or in relation to how much your neighbour's sheep weighs.
Fat people with little beards or goatees: Give it up, the only reason you grew it is to establish a jawline. Goatees aren't overly cool these days but beards have made a major comeback, which sucks for me because I'd have one but my job doesn't allow it. But having one to cover your jowls or to create the appearance of having a jaw equals lameness of epic proportions.
Picky eaters: I constantly hear people talking about food they don't like. Who cares? Why are people so forthcoming about things they don't enjoy eating? A life that does not involve vegetables is a sad life to me. I don't like everything, but I like a lot of things and it blows me away when I meet a fully-formed adult and they say something like, "Oh I don't like '_____'." That's too bad, but why are you telling me this? I don't like having to work for a living but I still frickin' do it!
I could go on, but the coffee is wearing off...
G-Stay Cool...
Monday, October 31, 2011
Thursday, October 27, 2011
Da Youngsters
Let's preface this post with, 'I love my kids.' There, now I can talk about anything I want with impunity; free from any quick intakes of breath (GASP) or accusations of terrible parenting.
One of the funniest thing about parenthood is that unless you are the older sibling in a large family or worked with kids your whole life NOTHING PREPARES YOU FOR IT!! No one takes you aside when your wife is pregnant and says, 'Hey listen, this raisin' kids business is really flippin' hard and you will start aging in dog years about 15 seconds after your first kid is born. You know that life thing you have now? It's gone. Say goodbye to your friends and disposable income for the next two decades. Having sex? HA! Don't even think about it. You are now a slave to miniature humans! '
Maybe it's our displaced family lifestyle now or many of our parents are from the 'didn't talk about it much' generation but damn, raising a family has got to be the craziest on-the-job training known to mankind. I'm sure I could wear my fingers to the nub going on about the highs and lows of being a parent but maybe I'll cover a few things that might have been worth knowing 'BC.' That means, 'Before Children.'
-Where you aware that getting out of the house is probably a 3 hour ordeal, all told? I used to be able to grab my stuff and split at a moments notice, now I have to get up at 6am to get me and two kids out of the house before 10. Who knew putting on shoes would be such a major point of conversation? This could have been useful knowledge.
-Cooking is one of my joys in life, but did you know it could actually be done semi-successfully with one arm? I might have called bullshit on that one but I surprised myself here.
-Did you know when baby girls poop, it goes straight up their vaginas? I couldn't have imagined this fact back when I frequently fantasized about the female's anatomy 'BC.' It's like some indomitable law of physics or something. A girl poops, and then it goes up their vagina. A really big drawback to having a daughter with a big appetite is that I get to relive this fact over and over and over again. Maybe if someone filled me in on this ahead of time I'd would have been prepared to see this body part defaced on a daily basis.
-I wasn't aware that furniture isn't just a place to sit, it is now just a fort waiting to happen. If a couch had feelings, it would just be biding it's time before our son appeared and stripped it of it's cushions and transformed it into something much cooler. I'm sure the couch would be okay with that unless it was an uppity couch. No one told me!
Oh man, I've gotta stop before this can of worms gets out of hand. Kids are crazy; they're all weird and funny and grumpy and silly and stoic and snuggly and pouty and etc etc etc. It's nuts. Kids, wha?
But talk about unconditional love though, hey? Amazing. I love my kids.
G...
One of the funniest thing about parenthood is that unless you are the older sibling in a large family or worked with kids your whole life NOTHING PREPARES YOU FOR IT!! No one takes you aside when your wife is pregnant and says, 'Hey listen, this raisin' kids business is really flippin' hard and you will start aging in dog years about 15 seconds after your first kid is born. You know that life thing you have now? It's gone. Say goodbye to your friends and disposable income for the next two decades. Having sex? HA! Don't even think about it. You are now a slave to miniature humans! '
Maybe it's our displaced family lifestyle now or many of our parents are from the 'didn't talk about it much' generation but damn, raising a family has got to be the craziest on-the-job training known to mankind. I'm sure I could wear my fingers to the nub going on about the highs and lows of being a parent but maybe I'll cover a few things that might have been worth knowing 'BC.' That means, 'Before Children.'
-Where you aware that getting out of the house is probably a 3 hour ordeal, all told? I used to be able to grab my stuff and split at a moments notice, now I have to get up at 6am to get me and two kids out of the house before 10. Who knew putting on shoes would be such a major point of conversation? This could have been useful knowledge.
-Cooking is one of my joys in life, but did you know it could actually be done semi-successfully with one arm? I might have called bullshit on that one but I surprised myself here.
-Did you know when baby girls poop, it goes straight up their vaginas? I couldn't have imagined this fact back when I frequently fantasized about the female's anatomy 'BC.' It's like some indomitable law of physics or something. A girl poops, and then it goes up their vagina. A really big drawback to having a daughter with a big appetite is that I get to relive this fact over and over and over again. Maybe if someone filled me in on this ahead of time I'd would have been prepared to see this body part defaced on a daily basis.
-I wasn't aware that furniture isn't just a place to sit, it is now just a fort waiting to happen. If a couch had feelings, it would just be biding it's time before our son appeared and stripped it of it's cushions and transformed it into something much cooler. I'm sure the couch would be okay with that unless it was an uppity couch. No one told me!
Oh man, I've gotta stop before this can of worms gets out of hand. Kids are crazy; they're all weird and funny and grumpy and silly and stoic and snuggly and pouty and etc etc etc. It's nuts. Kids, wha?
But talk about unconditional love though, hey? Amazing. I love my kids.
G...
Wednesday, October 26, 2011
My G-G-G-Generation
Ever stop and think about how amazing it is to be a child of the 70's? The post-Gen X'ers, so to speak? This is contingent on actually being a child of the 70's, of course, unless you can appreciate those that are when you otherwise are not.
The 70's, along with every other decade I'm sure, where interesting times. The hippies were growing up, rock and roll was really taking off, and some of the coolest people on earth were being born. From a evolutionary standpoint we were no more remarkable than anyone else, but the way technology/science/music/etc has evolved along with us has been nothing short of incredible. We were born with LP's & 8-tracks, moved to cassettes, then CDs, mp3s and now iTunes. Home movies were on giant vinyl discs and then to Beta which morphed into only VHS, then DVD, Blue Ray etc etc. And telephones? Where do I get started on phones? Born with Ma Bell rotary to portable ones that can do everything from start your car to split the atom. And you can talk on them, too! Then there's music (from folk to rock to rap to folkrockrap), computers (take up a whole room and now fit in your hand), and politics (just kidding, same old shit here just with different clowns).
I'm sure all other generations had similar advancements as they grew up but I think the difference with us is that we grew up along with them and evolved along the way, never to be left in it's wake. My parents struggled to catch up with what was changing around them but, to their credit, they put me in a computer class when I was a young teen and I'm sure that has helped with my comfort level now (not that I have any use for typing GOTO or RUN into the computer these days). I'm sure my parents parents probably had to ask their local priest if they were allowed to have a push-button phone when they were introduced, lest they be a fancy tool of the devil. I was never baffled by a VHS machine, ours always displayed the correct time, and even to this day I adapted quickly to the MacBook that I am using right now.
It's pretty cool, but it makes me think about my kids and what could possibly change as dramatically within the first 30-40 years of their lives. It's a scary thought. I'm sure existing things could get faster, smaller, etc as our kids grow up but I can't fathom there could be as significant a shift in global culture as there was in the mid-90's when the internet took off and took over. They'll never know a world when you had to write letters to communicate to people far away, machines called typewriters, or phones that only exist when plugged into a wall and then fall off the table because they vibrate like a geiger-counter when they ring. It's up to us to tell them about these things, just as older generations told us about 'when I was your age!' What's to come, I wonder?
Only time will tell, I suppose.
G.
PS. 1972 was for the coolest kids.
The 70's, along with every other decade I'm sure, where interesting times. The hippies were growing up, rock and roll was really taking off, and some of the coolest people on earth were being born. From a evolutionary standpoint we were no more remarkable than anyone else, but the way technology/science/music/etc has evolved along with us has been nothing short of incredible. We were born with LP's & 8-tracks, moved to cassettes, then CDs, mp3s and now iTunes. Home movies were on giant vinyl discs and then to Beta which morphed into only VHS, then DVD, Blue Ray etc etc. And telephones? Where do I get started on phones? Born with Ma Bell rotary to portable ones that can do everything from start your car to split the atom. And you can talk on them, too! Then there's music (from folk to rock to rap to folkrockrap), computers (take up a whole room and now fit in your hand), and politics (just kidding, same old shit here just with different clowns).
I'm sure all other generations had similar advancements as they grew up but I think the difference with us is that we grew up along with them and evolved along the way, never to be left in it's wake. My parents struggled to catch up with what was changing around them but, to their credit, they put me in a computer class when I was a young teen and I'm sure that has helped with my comfort level now (not that I have any use for typing GOTO or RUN into the computer these days). I'm sure my parents parents probably had to ask their local priest if they were allowed to have a push-button phone when they were introduced, lest they be a fancy tool of the devil. I was never baffled by a VHS machine, ours always displayed the correct time, and even to this day I adapted quickly to the MacBook that I am using right now.
It's pretty cool, but it makes me think about my kids and what could possibly change as dramatically within the first 30-40 years of their lives. It's a scary thought. I'm sure existing things could get faster, smaller, etc as our kids grow up but I can't fathom there could be as significant a shift in global culture as there was in the mid-90's when the internet took off and took over. They'll never know a world when you had to write letters to communicate to people far away, machines called typewriters, or phones that only exist when plugged into a wall and then fall off the table because they vibrate like a geiger-counter when they ring. It's up to us to tell them about these things, just as older generations told us about 'when I was your age!' What's to come, I wonder?
Only time will tell, I suppose.
G.
PS. 1972 was for the coolest kids.
Facebook Salesperson
Alright, Facebook is a great thing, it's changed the world of social media and it's a powerful force; but it's not the place to be used as a sales pitch. People I've known for years, people I've gone to school with are using their status updates to try to recruit their friends into a pyramid scheme called 'Body by Vi.' I couldn't care less how much time and money went into creating this product and I'm quite sure it's helped many many people, I just don't agree with it and I don't want to read about it when I'm on FB. At the root, it's just another scheme used to separate people from their money and give it to the people above them in the pyramid. It's inherently flawed, dishonest, a waste of time and I don't want to hear about it.
Anyone else feel this way?
G.
PS. Other bullshit schemes include Youth Juice, Skinny's (now defunct), the stock market...
Anyone else feel this way?
G.
PS. Other bullshit schemes include Youth Juice, Skinny's (now defunct), the stock market...
Thursday, October 20, 2011
The Little Miss
I'd have to say that if Maisie has a favourite activity it's taking stuff out of things and then putting the stuff back in that thing. Second to that would be just taking stuff out and leaving it out. Today I watched her take the sidewalk chalk out of the box and then put it back in over and over again. Hilarious. I don't know what this says about her personality or how this will factor into what she'll be like when she's older but it keeps her busy so that's just fine by me.
Gassed
Alright, running around for appointments. groceries, and playing outside for almost an hour has officially kicked my ass. I'm just flopped out in the basement with the kids listening to music and Brogan yelling into a mike that's hooked up to the TV. If I try to ingest any more stimulants at this point I'm pretty much just risking getting a good nights sleep, and you already know how important sleep is to me. I'm hoping to catch my second wind here shortly so I can muster up the juice to make supper. Someone help me.
G
G
Mornings
I've been a morning person for most of my life and being a firefighter definitely helped develop that side of me. For a while there I wasn't getting to bed early enough so I'd try to 'sleep in' until 7 but that just wasn't working. I like to get up around 6, which gives me an hour to myself and to get ready for the day. Sleep is so important, which is why babies do so much of it. I bet we could blame lack of sleep on a vast amount of health issues prevalent these days.
Today is going to be unique and busy because Brogan has two separate appointments with specialists in different parts of the city. Thursdays are usually a quieter day with the kids going to the day home but that ain't happening so I have to get the me time in now because that's pretty much all I'll get today. Deeeeep breath. The madness begins in about 14 minutes...
Today is going to be unique and busy because Brogan has two separate appointments with specialists in different parts of the city. Thursdays are usually a quieter day with the kids going to the day home but that ain't happening so I have to get the me time in now because that's pretty much all I'll get today. Deeeeep breath. The madness begins in about 14 minutes...
Wednesday, October 19, 2011
Blabber Mouth
Okay I just re-read the last post and it actually made me laugh, I really hope other people get to read this crazy shit because making people laugh is awesome.
In Hiding
So Brogan is at the stage where he's really into 'games.' He just comes up with these wacky ideas and they become games and we try to play along the best we can. He's hilarious. One actual game he's exceptionally bad at is hide-and-go-seek. I own him at this game. When I count he runs behind the comfy chair and hides there every flippin' time. I have to act like I'm searching high and low for him while he giggles maniacally in his hiding place. I'm pretty sure he's worn a hole into the floor from crouching there for so long.
Not to toot my own horn, but I'm awesome at hide-and-go-seek. I had a hiding spot growing up that literally no one found me in from like 1982 to maybe the early 90's. I spent so much time camped out in that spot I could have written novels or invented the internet while hanging out in there. It occurred to me maybe my fellow hide-and-go-seekers thought I was an asshole and just let me rot there but it was usually my younger siblings so I've since ruled out that thought. It just may have been the best hiding spot of all times.
Regardless, when it's my turn to count he tries to tell me where to hide (behind the chair, huge shocker) and I have none of this so I go try to hide in the most creative but mildly obvious place. I'm pretty sure I could just stand behind him while he looks for me and he'd eventually have to give up because either it's bed time or the next Rapture is coming. So today I hide behind his chalkboard easel and of course this stumps him, even with mommy's help. He's standing right there, he can practically feel the heat of my breath on his neck, and he still can't see me. This must be a 4-year-old thing, at least I hope it is because if he was an animal in the wild he'd be eaten in like 0.3 seconds.
Anyways, can you guess what my next move is? I shoot my hand out to grab him, scream bloody murder and I scare the living bejesus out of him. I've always loved to jump out and scare people. I used to wait outside our bathroom back home until my brother came out and I'd scream so loud I swear to god he'd piss himself even though that was his whole reason for being in there in the first place. So Brogan jumps out of his skin and collapses on the floor like a fainting goat and Amy and I just start crying with laughter. I haven't gotten someone like that in ages and man it felt good. I'm pretty sure it won't be the last time...
Happy hiding,
G
Not to toot my own horn, but I'm awesome at hide-and-go-seek. I had a hiding spot growing up that literally no one found me in from like 1982 to maybe the early 90's. I spent so much time camped out in that spot I could have written novels or invented the internet while hanging out in there. It occurred to me maybe my fellow hide-and-go-seekers thought I was an asshole and just let me rot there but it was usually my younger siblings so I've since ruled out that thought. It just may have been the best hiding spot of all times.
Regardless, when it's my turn to count he tries to tell me where to hide (behind the chair, huge shocker) and I have none of this so I go try to hide in the most creative but mildly obvious place. I'm pretty sure I could just stand behind him while he looks for me and he'd eventually have to give up because either it's bed time or the next Rapture is coming. So today I hide behind his chalkboard easel and of course this stumps him, even with mommy's help. He's standing right there, he can practically feel the heat of my breath on his neck, and he still can't see me. This must be a 4-year-old thing, at least I hope it is because if he was an animal in the wild he'd be eaten in like 0.3 seconds.
Anyways, can you guess what my next move is? I shoot my hand out to grab him, scream bloody murder and I scare the living bejesus out of him. I've always loved to jump out and scare people. I used to wait outside our bathroom back home until my brother came out and I'd scream so loud I swear to god he'd piss himself even though that was his whole reason for being in there in the first place. So Brogan jumps out of his skin and collapses on the floor like a fainting goat and Amy and I just start crying with laughter. I haven't gotten someone like that in ages and man it felt good. I'm pretty sure it won't be the last time...
Happy hiding,
G
miTunes
After a semi-hectic morning Maisie and I are hanging out while Amy brings Brogan to pre-school and helps out with a pumpkin hunt with the kiddies. I'm enjoying a cup of coffee, Maisie is playing nicely and we're listening to the Chili Peppers new album. I love the Peppers, I've loved them since Blood Sugar Sex Magic (not an impressive stat) but there's something about their music that just resonates with my very soul. Music is so primal and powerful for me; it just takes me away, sets my moods, fills in the blanks, and inspires me.
I'm a musician at heart but I never had the work ethic to pursue it. It takes a lot of courage to do that; the willingness to go without, to hear 'no' so many times you grow immune to it, to believe so much in yourself that you won't be denied. I listen to Calgary's 90.9FM every day (CJSW, U of C's student-run station) and I hear so much new music that I'm constantly experiencing different things you'd never hear on stale corporate radio. The music on CJSW is dominated by the obscure, unknown brave musicians that may have not made it and may never will but have the courage to chase that dream. Brogan has more musical talent in his pinkie finger than most people have in their whole body; I know that if he chooses to go into music that I will support him as much as humanly possible, if that is what he wants.
I effing love music. Love it.
I'm a musician at heart but I never had the work ethic to pursue it. It takes a lot of courage to do that; the willingness to go without, to hear 'no' so many times you grow immune to it, to believe so much in yourself that you won't be denied. I listen to Calgary's 90.9FM every day (CJSW, U of C's student-run station) and I hear so much new music that I'm constantly experiencing different things you'd never hear on stale corporate radio. The music on CJSW is dominated by the obscure, unknown brave musicians that may have not made it and may never will but have the courage to chase that dream. Brogan has more musical talent in his pinkie finger than most people have in their whole body; I know that if he chooses to go into music that I will support him as much as humanly possible, if that is what he wants.
I effing love music. Love it.
Tuesday, October 18, 2011
Profile pic.
Why are the profile pics for blog sites (or blags) so flippin' small? You click on 'view full size' and it shows you the same pic the same size tucked away in the top left hand side of the plain white page. What's the point? This may be the best family photo we've ever had taken and you could practically post it on the head of a pin so I'll add here so y'alls can enjoy it. I love this picture.
Man I love cashews.
Man I love cashews, it could be a problem. I get a big bulk bag of them from Planet Organic and I eat them by the handful as a snack around 8 at night. Occasionally I'll get them roasted and salted for a treat and I can eat waaaay more than should be humanly possible. I'm pretty sure I'll develop a food sensitivity to them but I don't think I care, they just taste so good. Anyone else like cashews as much as me. They're not really nuts, you know!
Avocados from Chile suck the big one.
That didn't take long, I think I'll go off on a rant now.
So the other day we buy some avocados from Superstore and it turns out they suck. This is annoying to me because I love avocados and a bad avocado is practically inedible. They sit there to ripen and never really do, finally you say shag it and cut into one of them and it's hard, it's almost impossible to twist open and then it doesn't even taste good after all that effort. What a pisser. The kicker is, they are from Chile, proving to me that the only good avocados on earth are from Mexico. If I was independently wealthy and completely bored and somewhat irresponsible I'd fly to Chile, find the people in charge of these sad and pathetic excuses for avocados and berate them for so long they'd probably rethink their decision to become avocado farmers. They'd probably think back to the time they had the choices of avocado farmer or 'other' and wish they went with 'other'. Maybe 'other' was fisherman, or wine-maker, or priest, but I'm pretty sure they'd wish they'd went with other after I got through with them. Would they have completely sucked at 'other' remains to be seen, but shit, if you're gonna go all in with avocados at least make a good product, not some poorly-drawn facsimile that bears only a visual resemblance to a tasty avocado and actually tastes nothing like the real deal. Nasty-ass, pale green, hard, tasteless, watery, sad-lookin' excuses for something I love. Again, what a pisser.
I don't know much about Mexico other than a whole ton of people go there to vacation every year and a whole ton of people get murdered there as a result of the drug trade. How can something so good and something so completely evil exist like that in one place? Talk about both your yin and yang. Regardless, they can grow some crazy good avocados there and I really hope I'm supporting something good by buying Mexican avocados.
Things I should probably talk about in the future: 'irregardless', cashews, Starbucks, yin, music, food, my kids the economy, spelling, yang, the price of tea in China.
Nuff said, wha?
Peace,
G
Exhibit A: Which one is from Mexico?
Exhibit B: Faker!! Shame!!
I'M BACK!
Good lord, I guess it's time to try this again. I think since I first tried I wasn't 'into it' enough to keep it going. Lots has changed since 2009; we've got a little girl named Maisie (who is now almost 18 months old), Brogan is in his second year of pre-school, I've retired from CrossFit and I'm pretty sure I've aged about 10 years overall.
Everyone and their dog has a blog now, which is possibly why I lost interest, but I can see it's validity as a means to reach out to anyone and everyone. Peoples lives are different now, it's hard to maintain relationships because we're all so bloody busy. Maybe a blog makes it easier to talk about things and communicate what you're feeling without having to take full responsibility for the outcome.
I intend to post more often now about anything on my mind. I suspect I'm going to rant about what's going on around me or in the world. I piss and moan a lot and I'm pretty sure the people around me have heard me piss and moan enough so now I can continue to do that without feeling like the people that are 'listening' aren't rolling their eyes and saying something like, 'there goes Aucoin, pissin' and moanin' about stuff again.' Now if they miss my pissing and moaning they can read it!
So that's it, I'm back. I think I'd like to call this a 'blag' rather than a 'blog.' It seems to fit into my Newfie roots a little better. Blag, I likes dat.
Smell ya later.
G
Everyone and their dog has a blog now, which is possibly why I lost interest, but I can see it's validity as a means to reach out to anyone and everyone. Peoples lives are different now, it's hard to maintain relationships because we're all so bloody busy. Maybe a blog makes it easier to talk about things and communicate what you're feeling without having to take full responsibility for the outcome.
I intend to post more often now about anything on my mind. I suspect I'm going to rant about what's going on around me or in the world. I piss and moan a lot and I'm pretty sure the people around me have heard me piss and moan enough so now I can continue to do that without feeling like the people that are 'listening' aren't rolling their eyes and saying something like, 'there goes Aucoin, pissin' and moanin' about stuff again.' Now if they miss my pissing and moaning they can read it!
So that's it, I'm back. I think I'd like to call this a 'blag' rather than a 'blog.' It seems to fit into my Newfie roots a little better. Blag, I likes dat.
Smell ya later.
G
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