CPL

So the City of Calgary Library, which is just a world-class system in my mind, has installed a curious thing outside of some of their buildings.  Along with the normal drop-off slot there is a new spot that resembles an ATM where if you press the button you can 'check in' your books or CDs.  I can't for the life of me figure out what the purpose of this is.  Generally you can pull up and drop off your books/etc and have it done in mere seconds and now there's this setup that makes that process longer with no benefit to the people involved.  I propose the CPL post a sign up next to these new systems that state 'For Your Inconvenience!'

Wine Gums?

So today for no good reason I was reminded of wine gums and other horrible candy that was around when I was a kid (and may still be around now, somehow) and all I could think was, 'How did someone think this was a good idea?'  Candy was candy back in the day, I didn't eat it frequently but when I did I'd go overboard.  Bottle caps, jelly beans, and other junk all went down the hatch but there were a few dreaded treats I avoided at all costs, and here are a few:

Wine gums: These were pure poison to me.  The taste was weird, they were small and angry looking, and chewing them was a miserable experience.  I'm pretty sure I'd enjoy gnawing on a thick piece of animal cartilage more than one of those nasty little buggers.  It was like a jaw workout on steroids with no payoff.  Maybe they've improved, but I'm never going to find out if Maynard has fixed the recipe.

Black Bart Gum:  Wow.  Black licorice-flavoured gum, that is just a master stroke of genius there.  At least you can swallow black licorice when it's in candy form and end the experience, but with gum the misery goes on-and-on as you chew it indefinitely.  Wasn't licorice used as medieval medicine at one time, and then it became gum?  And your teeth when you chewed it?  If I wanted to look like I just Frenched a sea-dwelling creature pulled from a recent oil spill then I'd prefer to do just that...

Thrills Gum:  What.  The.  Eff?  Purple gum that tastes EXACTLY like soap, who was the marketing maven behind this brilliant marriage of poor colour choices and revolting flavour?  Soap gum?  What else can a guy say about that.  Gum, that tastes like soap.  This has got to be at the apex of all horrible candy.  I'm sure I could think of more, like the weird pseudo-caramels I used to get at Halloween that tasted like burnt dirt at best.

The very thought of eating any candy these days sends chills down my spine, I often marvel at adults that can sit there mindlessly and eat candy without a second thought.  Chocolate bars I can see, even cans of pop and the like but candy?  What are ya, twelve?

Whitney Who?

     Ever since Whitney Houston died I've seen people posting curious things on their FB page regarding her life and death.  Let's just agree now that she undoubtedly wasted the last fifteen-plus years of her life and her tragic and untimely death was probably due to her addictions and personal demons.  That aside, we are talking about one of the most talented singers who has ever lived, someone who inspired countless numbers of other women, helped open musical doors, entertained millions, and lived what seemed to be a charmed and beautiful life until she fell prey to the many vices of the entertainment business.  Who knows what she'd be doing now if she had not have married a complete slime ball who helped with her rapid decline?  She'd still be up there with Celine Dion (who might have 1/3 of the talent) and would have deservedly died many many years later as a legend for all times.
     A few people said 'Whitney Who?' along with a picture of headstones of fallen soldiers.  Unpopular subject and all politics aside, soldiers die.  A horrible reality indeed but it's the truth; they sign up knowing that it just may happen and it's an accepted risk.  They are true heros for (hopefully) representing and dying for something they believe in but we hear less and less about them now as the 'war' overseas is now something of a dirty secret to forget.  People inundated with news of Whitney's death should probably just change the channel and, if they so desire, find a way to show their support for soldiers in a way that does not disparage the death of another person.  A person, by the way, who sang the most popular rendition of the American anthem in history, which was done solely to show support for the troops in the first conflict in the middle east.
   Other folks mentioned that mothers and women die every day and that she threw her life away so why should we care.  Without a doubt, she wasted much of her life since the mid-90s due to the ravages of drug-addiction (something most people know nothing about) but the last time I looked Whitney Houston was a mother, too.  There's a young girl whose mother is gone forever.  Whitney's mother has lost a child as well.  Is that not the very definition of tragic?  That is heart-wrenching, regardless of whether you think she wasted her life or not.  It is no more heart-wrenching than another anonymous woman dying say of cancer at the age of 48, but the overall result is the same.  No one wants to see someone die at such a young age.
     So who are we to judge?  Since when did we become so callous as a society that we feel we can publicly disparage someone who has recently died?  Is it the celebrity's fault that we revere them so much and put them up on a pedestal?  Why is it okay to create false idols out of these people but then to act like they are garbage when we realize they are merely flawed and imperfect humans, just like the rest of us?  I don't think Whitney purposely tried to become a crack-addict and throw away a gift that we will never see the likes of again, but that kind of thing just happens.  A lot.
     I'm not a Whitney Houston fan but you don't need to be a fan to realize she had a talent and a voice like no other.  As flawed as she was, she tried to get it back together but it would seem the vices won and now she's gone far too soon.  Self-righteous indignation is a human flaw as well, and most of us wouldn't know it existed until people decide to cast aside any doubt by publicly and willingly mocking the death of someone else's mother for all to see.  Either just let it go or find a better outlet folks.

Words Maisie knows.

These are the words Maisie can say now:  STOP!  NO!  Daddy.  Mommy.  Momma.  Baba.  EAT!  Please. Hello.  Hi. Up.  More.  Good.  Girl. Yummy.  Nanny.  Baby.  Eyes.  Ears.  Noes.  Cracker.

I'm pretty sure there's a game of Mad Libs in there somewhere.  It's mostly nouns, mind you.

"Hello yummy mommy, daddy eat baba ears, eyes, and noes.  Daddy NO!  STOP!  Hi good girl Nanny?  Cracker please!"

It's a start.

Claaaaaaaaassic.

I love this movie.  It may be in my all time top-10, definitely top-10 for comedy.  I alway laugh.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EFk9SRzY6io

Athletes!?

Sooooo I get into this heated debate today with my brother-in-law about what an athlete is.  He feels that if people are capable of incredible feats of cardiovascular endurance then they are automatically an athlete (which, by default, qualifies him because he's a really good road biker).  I completely disagreed with him because those people, as impressive as their feats are, are really just one-trick ponies.  Scrawny little people with insane endurance and little of anything else.  Literally they are working at a sub-maximal level for hours and hours and, depending on the day/event/landscape, may have to sprint from time-to-time.

Compare this to a football linebacker.  He goes from standing still to EXPLODING forward at 100% ability only to smash into someone usually much larger than he is 0.5 seconds later, maybe then having to get up off the turf only to run away to catch someone smaller and faster than him for a few more seconds all the time hitting (or being hit), dodging, jumping, diving and whatever else it takes to finish the play.   Then he rests about 60 seconds and does it again but only completely different.

To me, this is the quintessential example of what an athlete does and what he is capable of.  Constant variation, adaptation, speed, strength, endurance, agility, will, power, etc, etc, etc over and over again.  Being really fucking good at riding a bike for a long long time is about as un-athletic as it can be by comparison.  And if you talk about pro riders, they are some of THE MOST drugged-up people in all of sports.  Sure every pro football play would have done roids to get where he is, anyone in they're right mind knows this; but pro riders deny the claims they juice like nobody's business.  Cracker please!

So, in conclusion, I am right and he is wrong and all is well and good in the universe.  The end.

I can do a wheelie.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fr6Na4NH7J8

Coolness

Things that are no longer cool, according to me:

Bluetooths:  Is the plural 'Blueteeth?'  Walking around with a mini-phone in your ear seemingly talking to yourself is not cool.  In fact, it is lame and makes you look like a raving lunatic.  Second to that is hands-free talking on your cell, I just don't want to know about the intimate details of your recent visit to the kidney specialist.

Automatic car-starters:  Starting your car when you are not in your car is lame unless it is 20 below or worse.  It was cool in 1991, when I first witnessed that being done, but now it is weak sauce.  Why do this?  Is burning off extra fuel before you even enter your vehicle some sociological rite of passage?

Bitching about the weather (especially on Facebook):  Unless you live in San Diego, where it's 25 Celsius out every single day of the year, you may not bitch about the weather.  It is what it is, you can't change it, and the weather sucks wherever you are.

Fahrenheit: Get with the times, for the love of Jesus.  I think maybe only the States and Belize use this antiquated form of measurement.  It's like weighing things in quintals or in relation to how much your neighbour's sheep weighs.

Fat people with little beards or goatees: Give it up, the only reason you grew it is to establish a jawline.  Goatees aren't overly cool these days but beards have made a major comeback, which sucks for me because I'd have one but my job doesn't allow it.  But having one to cover your jowls or to create the appearance of having a jaw equals lameness of epic proportions.

Picky eaters: I constantly hear people talking about food they don't  like.  Who cares?  Why are people so forthcoming about things they don't enjoy eating?  A life that does not involve vegetables is a sad life to me.  I don't like everything, but I like a lot of things and it blows me away when I meet a fully-formed adult and they say something like, "Oh I don't like '_____'."  That's too bad, but why are you telling me this?  I don't like having to work for a living but I still frickin' do it!

I could go on, but the coffee is wearing off...

G-Stay Cool...